I love to run. Not fast, but far enough that I feel connected to my body in a different way. Recently, I’ve been drawing a lot of connections between the things I see on runs and issues discussed in the world around me, so I’d like to write them down.
I’ve had a lot of discussions the past few weeks about what it means to be a woman in a predominantly male field. The nature of competition is always part of it. I draw a lot of connections in what I expect from myself in computer science and running. When running on a trail with other people, I’ll always pick my speed up a bit if there’s another woman running near me, but if I’m passed by a man I keep my current pace. I recognize that in the realm of running, there are realities that exist in terms of average times by gender, but how many of those are self-imposed? At what point does the acceptance of a norm soak into our brains and self worth, and maybe at some point, our muscles too?
The divide that exists in computer science has absolutely nothing to do with innate ability. Why, then, do I compare myself differently to men versus women in my classes? I attribute it in large part to the notion that for women, there’s very little room at the top. On a subconscious level, I’ve been trained to believe that women have fewer spots than men, and therefore because I am a woman, I must work harder than the other women. The problem is that this mindset hurts everyone in the end, and maintains the thought that there isn’t a lot of room at the top. It forces us to fit into a mold to find success, when supporting one another is much more meaningful.
Something I’ve also noticed is the space people take up on sidewalks, and the way it might relate to the way those with power perpetuate the oppression of those without. I don’t know that there’s any correlation between how people walk and their identity, but even so there are a lot of interesting components. For instance, if I’m running past a group, I find it much more difficult to get around them, and that when I say “On your right!” it usually takes two or three shouts before one of them notices and tells the others to shift. The group mentality is one I’ve certainly been part of, and I think it represents the way comfort in ones surroundings removes concerns for those not part of the group. People seem to lose awareness of the space they’re taking up when they view themselves as only part of it. It turns into a sort of collective action problem.
Another trend I’ve picked up on is that of people not paying attention, distracted by their phones normally. Oftentimes they’ll be right in the middle of the sidewalk and leave little room for me to pass, caught up in their music or in the middle of a phone call (I have also most certainly done this). It doesn’t mean they have malicious intentions, just that their lack of awareness has the potential to affect others negatively.
I think both of these examples exist in different contexts, and converge to a larger problem of people who might not be intending to hurt or limit the potential of others. Complacency really does help the oppressor, in fact it may well be the oppressor. From what I’ve gathered, to be more cognizant is the first step in allowing others to have equal respect in the space you occupy. Also, listening is really really important. I will note that I am not a marginalized group in the broader sense or as a runner, just that these observations have made more clear to me a lot of conversations I’ve had in the past year about what it means to have privilege.